


I told YOU

by blackeyedsoul



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 04:41:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4550853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackeyedsoul/pseuds/blackeyedsoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another fix it...I cannot help myself these days!</p>
            </blockquote>





	I told YOU

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this after “Privilege” but then the week got ahead of me and I wasn’t able to get it done.  
> I didn’t want to just drop it so I tried to integrate the latest episode and get on with it. Almost did not make it in time again but thanks to my most wonderful beta [sal_si_puedes](http://archiveofourown.org/users/sal_si_puedes/pseuds/sal_si_puedes) who quickly polished my rambling I can post it before the next episode passes me! I am not very good when I have to hurry but I just throw it out there now! Thank you all for always being very understanding and nice and polite and all the good things our fandom is!

Something was off with Harvey. Mike had been feeling it the entire day and it made him worry like it always did when Harvey was like that: distant, closed off, brooding.  
Mike had thought off everything he could imagine being the cause of Harvey’s dark mood.  
He knew about the deposition and what happened with this Dr. Agard and even who she was but a few days had passed since then and Mike just knew there had to be something else – he just wasn't able to put a finger on it.  
So he worked late that evening until the halls at the firm became more and more silent and he finally considered it a good time to catch Harvey alone before he would also leave for the night.

Mike found Harvey in his sparsely lit office standing there looking outside at the already dark city with his obligatory glass of scotch in hand and a brooding aura almost palpably surrounding him. Not even the small sound the glass door gave when Mike pushed it open made him turn his head – he seemed to know who was coming to his office that late.  
Mike waited at the door until it became clear that Harvey would not be the one to start this conversation and he took a few tentative steps inside, steeling himself to break the silence.

"Something is bothering you, Harvey. What's going on? Are you all right?"

Harvey scoffed softly into his glass and took a long sip before he spoke.

"Mike, the last time I talked to you, you ran straight to your fiancée and told her what you learned."

Mike froze. Shit, he had forgotten about that but once reminded he instantly felt guilty to his bones.

"But I–"

Harvey interrupted harshly.

"Yeah, I know you wanted to help me and all that – but Mike, _that_ was _not_ your story to tell! You seem to forget that even though you’re engaged there is still a _you_ and a _her_ and not to mention a _me_! And I am convinced that the outcome would have been the same either way. you would have met Tanner no matter what... Am I right?"

Finally he turned around and Mike hated what he saw. The disappointment so obvious in Harvey's face made his stomach clench into a tiny ball – and Harvey was not done, it got worse.

"I do not feel like I can talk to you anymore. If I wanted to spill my personal problems to Rachel I could just join girl's night with her and Donna," Harvey mocked and turned back to face the window but there was no humor in his voice. 

It stung, being turned away like that.

"I am sorry, Harvey, I really am... and you are right, I shouldn't have told her. I knew I shouldn't have the second it left my lips but I wanted some advice and ... "  
The lack of reaction made Mike plead.

"Harvey, I... Please... I can't lose your trust."

Harvey still did not respond but kept looking into the darkness slowly raising his glass again, taking a small sip, apparently contemplating Mike’s fate. A deep exhale marked his defeat.

"She wants me to talk about my mother."

Mike eyes shot to Harvey who still had not turned around to meet his eyes only scoffed softly to himself.

"I haven't talked about my mother since ... forever. I never told anyone."

Mike knew he was forgiven and closed the distance, walking up next to Harvey. He understood exactly what Harvey told him - Dr. Agard wanted him to talk because of course she had found Harvey's biggest issue. At the same time something else dawned on him, something he had not realized in its full extent before. He had to swallow hard before he spoke and yet his voice faltered.

"You told _me_."

Now Harvey finally tore his eyes away from the liquid in his glass and met Mike's gaze. Mike could not decide what he saw there in Harvey's dark brown eyes, in the faint smile that tugged on his lips and the slightly raised eyebrows, he only knew that his stomach clenched hard and when Harvey spoke next, quietly, calmly and almost sad.

"I did, didn't I?" 

Mikes heart tumbled. 

Silence. For a long moment neither of them spoke as they stood there side by side, elbows almost touching, staring out of the window and looking at nothing. 

"Are you going to talk about it?" Mike finally asked.

Harvey shot him a sideways glance. "I haven't decided yet."

"What about your panic attacks?"

"I did not have another one since the last time. I consider that progress."

 

 

 

All the way home Mike mulled over what Harvey had said or better _how_ he had said it. The look he had given him and how his own body had reacted to it.  
Mike knew that Harvey avoided talking about his personal life and at all costs talking about his mother. Mike had been aware that it had been very special for Harvey to share this story with him back then but he had never realized _how_ special. He did not even want to talk to his therapist about it, for god's sake!

Rachel was home when Mike arrived, bent over her books, studying for an upcoming test. She looked up when Mike entered the room and smiled.

"Hey, how are you? How was work today?"

Mike got rid of his suit jacket and tie throwing it carelessly onto the sofa. "Sorry I'm late. I talked to Harvey, wanted to know how he is doing."

"Is everything okay with him?" Rachel wanted to know but her eyes were already turned back to her books. 

"Yeah, he's doing fine," Mike deliberately cut the conversation short. “But I am not,” he should have added, “I already know that I will never get over what I learned tonight.”

"I'll take a shower," Mike muttered instead and turned around to reach the solitude of the bathroom where he hurriedly closed the door and leaned back against its cool surface. 

His thoughts were spinning inside of his head. There had been a time when he had dared to think that maybe, maybe Harvey felt something else than friendship. Back in this goddamn interrogation room when Harvey had slammed the chair across the room and pulverized the surveillance camera, when he had pushed into Mike's space and ordered him to point the finger at him Mike had been sure Harvey had finally understood what he was to Mike and he had gained confidence that there was something on Harvey's side as well but it had only lasted for a few heartbeats until Mike had convinced himself again that he was just being stupid.  
The other time that was burned deeply into his brain had been when Mike had left the firm and they had said goodbye. What would he have given to have been able to take Harvey in his arms and just kiss him, to tell him that he did not want to leave _him_ and that they still could have each other if Harvey wanted him.  
There had been other times, other incidences here and there, but Mike had never been able to gain enough courage to act on it and then there had been a point when it had just been too late.

And there he was again! Again it had been almost palpable that there was so much more between them than collegialities or friendship. But what was all that worth now? He was with Rachel! He was going to marry her and he should not even be thinking about Harvey like that.

*****

Two days after Harvey had pushed Louis into the glass table, of course the news had spread like a raging wildfire through the halls of Pearson Specter Litt, Rachel and Mike had an argument that led to a sturdy fight. 

"I think Harvey's losing it," she told Mike. "First what he did to Dr. Agard and now Louis? What is he thinking?"

Mike told her that Harvey wanted to keep his client out of jail at all cost and that if she were threatened with going to jail for something she didn’t do she would wish her lawyer would do the exact same thing and that he was sure Louis had his fair share in the glass table incident.

It went back and forth until Mike had enough and headed for the door of their apartment.

Rachel shouted after him: "Say hi to Harvey from me!"

Mike spun around at the scorn in her voice, the innuendo instantly made him feel like he needed to defend himself – or Harvey. "What exactly are you trying to say?" 

Rachel was furious then.  
"You know exactly what! Ask yourself, Mike. If you ever had to choose sides whom would you choose?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Mike shouted in his best outraged manner and slammed the door on his way out

 

 

"Mike! What happened?"

"We had a fight."

Nothing else was necessary to make Harvey step aside. "Come in."

Mike had not been at Harvey's for a while and that made him realize even more how good it felt to be there, how the weight on his shoulders got lighter and his spinning mind slowed down as soon as he stepped over the threshold. This place was Harvey, it was filled with his things and his personality. It even smelled like him and it somehow grounded Mike instantly.

"Are we talking cool down and scotch or Slumber Party?" Harvey's voice was warm and caring, free of any kind of reservation, telling Mike that either way was fine, that he was welcome.

"Slumber Party, if that is okay for you." 

Harvey waved his hand indicating his lack of concern. "You know where everything is." 

"Thank you Harvey." Mike took a seat on one of Harvey's bar stools and watched his host pouring him a drink.

"What happened?" Harvey handed Mike the Scotch and took the stool next to him.

"It was a stupid fight actually ... Until I tried to leave..." Mike took a big gulp to stop himself from talking, indecisive if he should tell Harvey but it was too late.

"Why?"

Mike looked down at his hands playing with the heavy tumbler.  
"She said if I ever would be forced to choose between you and her, she knew who would win."

"And who might that be?"

Mike swallowed visibly still hesitant but the words clawed their way to the tip of his tongue knowing that Mike wanted to speak them and his eyes wanted to see Harvey's reaction. So he lifted his head and let the traitorous word fall from his lips.

"You."

There it was, carrying every meaning that could possibly lie within this one little word.

Harvey tensed in front of Mike's eyes. He didn't respond, he just looked at him with his poker face in place, probably even knowing Mike wasn't fooled by that anymore. Harvey's eyes told him that he understood, understood exactly what Mike had just told him. Harvey downed his glass and sat it back onto the counter. In one swift move he left his seat and, without looking at Mike again, he ordered: "Go to bed Mike."

Then he was gone, disappeared in his bedroom, and Mike was left fighting the tears that already burned in his throat.

 

 

Dr. Agard jumped halfway from her seat when Harvey stormed inside.  
"Harvey what happened?"

Harvey paced from the door to her desk and back to her couch where he just let himself slump down and tried to collect his thoughts in the short time it took her to leave her computer and take her seat facing him.

He took a deep breath and tried to make her understand.

"The first and only person I have ever told about my mother is Mike."

Dr. Agard leaned forward, eyebrows raised in interest. 

"And why is that?"

"Because I knew he needed to hear it, because I thought it might help our situation back then."

She nodded slowly.  
"So you did not hesitate to do what he presumably needed even if it was your deepest secret?"

When she put it like that he realized something new.  
"It did not feel like that when I told him."

"So you trust him. Obviously you trust him more than anybody else. Can you tell me why?"

He thought about that before he answered.  
"I could tell you it is because he earned it during our years of work together but honestly, I think he just had it from the moment he barged into his job interview. I don't do that with people, ever."

She nodded again. "So he is the exception. And why are you so upset?"

Harvey raised an eyebrow. Did she really not get it? "I told _him_."

"I see. Mike is engaged to your associate Rachel if I am not mistaken?"

The statement, although it was obvious, made Harvey lean forward and hold his head with both of his hands. He barely managed to suppress the exasperated groan that threatened to accompany his gesture.

Dr. Agard’s reaction was insistent. "Harvey, this is not about your mother. You are not your mother! Sometimes people realize too late what they really want or whom they really want, maybe even whom they belong to. That should not lead to living a life with the wrong person just to be faithful. That is also not truly faithful in the end."

Since Harvey did not answer she gave him another question. "Why did you let it come that far?"

"Because I am an oblivious bastard sometimes ..."

If she was somehow surprised by any of his words she did not show it. She just looked him straight in the eye and kept on pushing.

“And what made you leave your oblivious state?”

“He practically told me that I only have to say the word…” 

Harvey pushed himself back against the backrest again, suddenly thinking that if he didn’t have a shrink he wouldn’t even know whom to talk to about that. He waited, waited what she would have to say.

"Do you want to do something now?"

"I want to but I cannot wrap my mind around destroying their relationship so I can be with him and what... What if it doesn't work? Then I took his life with Rachel from him for nothing... I don't know if I can live with being the reason for their break up."

She kept on rationalizing the situation for him:

"I understand that, I do, but it would be Mike's decision in the end. He would be the one to decide if he finds it worth leaving her. You could also argue that you would hurt him by leaving him in the dark and take that decision away from him – knowing that there could be the possibility that it is what he _really_ wants."

Harvey nodded slowly, trying to let her words sink in. It sounded so easy coming from her.

"But Rachel... I need time to think... Thanks’ for your advice."

He stood and she gave him a friendly grin.

"Oh, you'll get a bill for that!"

"Did not expect anything else,” he laughed.

 

Mike was back home. He hadn't seen Rachel or Harvey the whole day. He had left Harvey’s place early to avoid meeting him. Rachel had classes and Harvey was working on a different case at the moment. That had given him some time to think. Actually he was still thinking, slouching at his kitchen table, still in his suit and fumbling absentmindedly at the label of an untouched beer bottle.  
The problem with thinking was that in this particular case there seemed to be no solution or better no _different_ solution, no other way, no brilliant new idea. Every single time he thought it through he found himself at the exact same spot. 

The possibility that there could be more between Harvey and him had never been so prominent as in that moment he had taken care of that with his indirect confession. This time it was too strong to push it away or talk it down. Yes, he was with Rachel, yes, he loved her, yes, he even wanted to marry her, and yes, the thought of Harvey obliterated all of the aforementioned and yes, yes, yes Rachel was right, he would always choose Harvey. 

Harvey leaving him in the kitchen the other night had not been an answer. He had clearly seen something in Harvey's eyes and fleeing like that spoke volumes when it came to Harvey. It was too late now to just leave it at that – again.

It was the worst, the most horrible timing ever and yet he needed to know. He desperately needed to know once and for all or it would haunt him for the rest of his life. 

An incoming text message abruptly ended his contemplations, it was from Harvey. Mike’s pulse instantly jumped to maximum rate only reading Harvey’s name on his display.

I need to talk to you.

Mike had to concentrate to keep his hands steady when he answered.

Right now?

The reply came within two seconds.

Yes. 

Mike’s fingers flew fast:

I'll come over.

I'm waiting.

Mike was already at the door when Harvey's last message arrived. He did not want to run into Rachel now and explain where he was going.

Harvey opened the door in jeans and a black shirt which reminded Mike that he was still in his suit.

"Come in."

Despite the smile he was given Mike realized that Harvey seemed tense. He missed the swagger that normally accompanied his walk when he led Mike inside. Harvey's patio doors were wide open and the night air flooded the room. Mike took a deep breath, trying to calm down, while he watched Harvey opening the fridge and get a fresh bottle of beer. Anxiety crept through Mike's body. He had not been that insecure around Harvey's place in a very long time. In the very beginning of their relationship when everything had been impressive and big and intimidating but not since they had grown closer. 

Harvey pressed the cool bottle into Mike's hand. "Let's go outside."

They took a seat on Harvey's lounge chairs facing each other. It was a warm night and Mike shrugged his suit jacket off, it gave him something to do that would hopefully hide how nervous he felt. Harvey watched him intensely which made him feel even more anxious. In the end he had gathered enough courage to speak.

"Did something happen or are we finally going to talk about the other night?"

"You mean besides me throwing Louis into a glass table and obliterating my own shrink during a deposition or hitting Tanner in the face… should I go on?"

They laughed and it felt good. Seeing Harvey laugh was a beautiful thing and it took away at least a little of the tension between them.

A sip from Harvey’s beer stopped the laughter and Mike watched Harvey closely whose eyes seemed to find something very interesting about the bottle in his hands. It was clearly visible that Harvey was carefully collecting his words. Whatever he was trying to say did not reach his lips easily. Mike saw the tension in Harvey's shoulders and he hated it because Harvey hat been like that for a while now, tense and struggling with himself and so many other things fighting a perpetual fight inside of him and it made Mike feel guilty because he had not been there. Not enough, not like he should have been, not like he wanted to be.

"I can't stop thinking about what you told me," the words almost too faint to reach Mike’s ear. Harvey heaved a sigh before he lifted his gaze and caught Mike's eyes with an intense look. "Would you choose me?"

The impact of Harvey’s question forced every bit of air from Mike’s lungs. Suddenly it was now or never, suddenly it was out there between them, no more ifs and buts. Mike’s voice was shaky but he spoke nonetheless, now or never.

"If you ask me to choose, Harvey," he swallowed hard against the lump in his throat, "I would always choose you..."

Harvey looked at him, speechless. 

Mike slowly, oh so slowly moved forward to kneel down in the space between Harvey’s legs, his eyes never leaving him, and carefully reached for Harvey's face with his hand. He gave Harvey every opportunity to move away but he didn't, he kept their eyes locked and waited, waited until Mike's shaking hand made contact with his cheek. Mike could not believe this, he could not believe what he was doing and that Harvey let him. Harvey's hand gently cupped Mike's, he closed his eyes and leaned into Mike's touch.

They stayed like that for a few moments. Mike watched his hand on Harvey’s face in awe until Harvey opened his eyes again and turned just enough to press a kiss to Mike's palm. It was a soft open mouthed press of Harvey's lips, Harvey's lips, on his skin which caused Mike to inhale deeply. Was this really happening? Judging by the wild, almost painful stomping in his chest it was! Harvey, Harvey was here with him, letting himself be touched. He didn't move away when Mike's thumb caressed his lower lip and travelled lightly onwards following his Cupid’s Bow, never breaking eye contact. 

 

"I want to kiss you...” Mike whispered. “I wanted that for so long..."  
Harvey's chest rose and fell visibly, a sharp intake of air followed Mike's words.  
"Mike ...," his voice was nothing but a hoarse whisper when he leaned forward and closed the space between them.

Finally, finally their lips met. Gently, almost shyly, the first contact. Harvey's lips so soft on his mouth. A shiver ran through Mike’s body when Harvey set his bottle aside and reached for him to cup his face with both hands.

Harvey pulled him closer and increased the pressure of his mouth, encouraging Mike to carefully lick along the seam of Harvey's lips, begging for entrance. A small sigh escaped him when his wish was granted. 

Mike could not stop the involuntary tremble that took hold of his body when their kiss deepened. Harvey kissed him hungrily and passionately and Mike was consumed by it, he could do nothing but kiss and let himself be kissed, still trying to fathom that this was happening, that the warm, willing and demanding body in his arms was Harvey. 

They both were panting hard when they finally broke free. Mike had never seen Harvey like this, his eyes even darker than usual, looking at him with unknown intensity. Harvey's lips swollen from his kiss, _Mike's kiss_ , and his hands still cupping Mike's face, thumbs stroking his cheeks. 

Mike squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, fighting to collect himself again.  
"Harvey ... I am so sorry... I didn't believe it, didn't dare to..."

He was helplessly struggling for words, still on his knees, until Harvey held him tight around his waist and let himself fall back onto the lounge, taking Mike with him. His desperate fight for words was stopped with a new kiss.

Harvey's eager tongue and the overwhelming sensation of lying half atop of him in a tight embrace swept away every need to explain himself. Harvey's thigh found its way between Mike's legs and pressed deliberately against his rapidly building erection, making him groan into their kiss which caused Harvey to pull him even tighter against him. Harvey's hands started to pry Mike's shirt free from his trousers until he was able to slip his hands underneath.

Oh god, Mike could feel Harvey growing hard in his jeans and that sent a bolt of arousal through his body and melted every last shred of reluctance into hot liquid want circling through him. He freed himself enough to be able to move his hands to the hem of Harvey's shirt and shove it up and over his head. Mike inhaled deeply when he saw Harvey him half naked underneath him.

He took a moment to admire the scene, to fully process it all.

Harvey smiled up at him broadly, like he knew exactly what Mike was thinking, and he used the time to start unbuttoning Mike's shirt.

Mike did not move. He looked down and watched Harvey's hands undress him button by button until his shirt was open and Harvey sat up enough to push it off Mike's shoulders and pull him down for another kiss. Mike's hands were free to explore Harvey's body and he ran them up and down his sides and over his broad chest, caressing his nipples along the way, which drew a small hiss from Harvey against Mike's lips.

Mike's hands traveled on, along Harvey's shoulders, down his smooth back and around his hips. For one heartbeat or two he hesitated. He was about to touch Harvey, oh god yes, and then his hand was _there_. He pressed his hand against the outline of Harvey's erection, causing another sharp intake of breath. 

Harvey broke away from their ongoing kiss and took Mike's face into both of his hands to be able to look at him. Breathing heavily he studied Mike's face searching for something there.

"Mike," he murmured softly, "I cannot go back after this... I know I can't... Are you sure?"

Mike's heart clenched hard, he had never seen Harvey this vulnerable and honest, and it killed him that he was now, for _him_. He caught Harvey's gaze, adamantly steeling his eyes, giving the most convincing answer he had ever given to anyone.

"I have never been more sure of anything," and he bowed down again and kissed him, kissed him with everything he had, hoping that Harvey was able to understand. When they both had no more air to breathe Harvey got up from the lounge and Mike let himself be led inside.


End file.
